e a t e r y R O W

OCABANON

245 West 29th Street

New York, NY 10022

(646) 669-7879

When Speeds moved back to New York from Syracuse, she asked herself one thing. "Where can I live that has high rent and a dramatically high number of homeless people?" Then it hit her. Northern Chelsea. As usual, Speeds didn't want to dine too far from her apartment building, so we decided on OCabanon, a French wine bar just around the corner from her place on 29th Street. It was a Thursday night and while other spots that I called were telling me that we'd likely be waiting 45 minutes or more, OCabanon was far from full. Indeed, it was almost like this was the go-to spot for people who enjoy dining alone.

We walked in and were led to the far rear of the restaurant, where we were the first diners of the evening. First, I'm going to get this out of the way. I liked OCabanon, by and large. It was sorta cozy, it wasn't loud (actually, it was too quiet), and it isn't terribly expensive. It's just not better than that. It's kind of forgettable. The waiter was a really nice, smiling guy, but for a wine bar waiter, he seemed not to know much about wine. The food was good, but not better than good, and there was no energy to the place.

For her starter, Speeds chose the Cheese Plate, a chef's selection of five cheeses. It was good and you get a fair amount for the money, along with a sliced apple and some grapes, but the grapes were on their way out, and although we were told what cheeses would be arriving, the server never explained which cheese was which when they finally arrived. Furthermore, they were inartfully presented on the slate, and a little fig jam would have gone a long way. When I go to a French restaurant, it's virtually impossible for me to pass up ordering Escargot, so I didn't. OCabanon's traditional bistro style escargot could have used a little more garlic or some MSG or something. Don't get me wrong. I fully recognize that escargot merely exists so that I can have an excuse to dip my baguette in garlic butter, but even so, these didn't stand out from other garlic butter delivery proxies I've had in the past. They lacked oomph.

For dessert, Speeds and I split the Creme Brulee, another French classic. It was good. I'd get it again. In the end, I can recommend OCabanon if you're in the area and want a solid meal that won't break the bank. It's a cool place to chill out, have a few drinks, and not be bothered for a while. But it's not innovative and, tomorrow, you'll have forgotten that you ate there.

Like I said, OCabanon isn't bad, but it didn't provide much in the way of memorableness. I think that if I was a local, I'd stop by with friends on Sundays for their half-off bottles and nosh on their sliders while BSing for a spell. But if you're wondering if it's worth a trip out of your way, I'd have to go with no.

BLACK IRON BURGER

540 East 5th Street

New York, NY 10009

(212) 677-6067

The first time I'd been to Black Iron Burger, the small almost-hole-in-the-wall sized gastropub in Alphabet City was several months ago with Mr. Dogz. We had a Groupon, and we figured we'd get a cheap lunch cheaper. We did not expect to be blown off our bar stools by one of the best burgers we can remember having. I do not say that lightly. We found ourselves wandering the East Village the other day, having been decided that the utterly ridiculous crowd at McSorely's was nowhere near worth the hassle of enduring, when Dogz said "Let's go to Black Iron". How can you disagree with that suggestion?

Corner Bistro and Minetta Tavern and Shake Shack and JG Melon all have their die hard fans, especially in the Top-10-List Media circles and never shall they be swayed from their rock solid opinion that this grouping represents the best that burgerdom has to offer. But, since it's always the same list over and over again, we can assume that these people are too cool to go out and explore, or their opinion is the froth-mouthed ravings of a fanatic mob bent on the conversion of the masses to their collective subjective taste. Either way, it's our duty as educated progressive citizens to ignore them.

Personally, my favorite hamburger has been Five Napkin Burger's Gruyere cheesed and rosemary spiced Five Napkin burger because the mere thought of it would my mouth water. I'd crave it out of nowhere. I've had plenty of JG Melon hamburgers and Shake Shack hamburgers. I've never craved them. I've never gone out of my way to get one because, God damn it, I needed one. I've done that with Five Napkin. Now, it appears Five Napkin has been tied. 

As I write this, I am craving Black Iron's Masterpiece burger, a double patty hamburger (I think that they all are) with layers of Swiss cheese, caramelized onion, applewood smoked bacon, and a fried egg. Mr. Dogz opted for the namesake Black Iron burger, horseradish cheddar cheese, horseradish mayo, caramelized onion. These burgers are, in a word, divine. And they're greasy. There's no texting while eating these babies or you'll wind up voiding a warranty. The sweetness of the caramel, the cheese oozing onto the plate... and the egg bleeding all over the place is literally heaven in your mouth. 

The nice thing about gastropubs like Black Iron is that they don't just hand some slob a spatula and a deep fryer and tell him to get to work. There's thought behind the food. There's skill and something is done to differentiate the otherwise generic menu from the competition. So when Dogz and I ordered a side of Buffalo Wings, seasoned in a spicy adobo rub, we were in for a treat. Most bars soak their wings in a buffalo sauce that's really nothing more than Franks Red Hot, and that can be fine if really all you want is something to soak up the booze in your stomach. Here, the buffalo sauce is on the side and it's absolutely unnecessary. If anything, it's wasteful to even offer it. The wings on their own are perfect and unlike the burgers not even a little greasy. They only give you five wings, so order a double. We also snagged a side of the Ai-oli Fries, french fries with crirpsy bits of bacon and diced scallion under a drizzle of ai-oli. Also, delicious. We thought that it could have used more bacon, and you should certainly ask for extra ai-oli to dip your fries in.

Black Iron, while not expensive, isn't fast food cheap. The burgers average $10 and the plate of five wings set us back $9. Two beers each, plus the food, plus tax and tip came to $80.

COURT STREET GROCERS

485 Court Street

Brooklyn, NY 11231

(718) 722-7229

Situated in Carroll Gardens (and Hells Kitchen and Red Hook) is the Court Street Grocer. Part hipster bodega, part sandwich shoppe. I had never heard of the place until Mr. Dogz, the guy without the food blog but with the fortitude to watch Food Network cookoff shows, mentioned it to me. Side note, I really am a terrible food blogger. I'm basically just a guy with a stomach, a camera, and enough of an ego to think that you care about what I have to say. Yeah, well, here's what I have to say. The sandwiches here are outstanding. Worth every otherwisedly overpriced penny. 

I don't know how Dogz and I got a table when we came. I returned a few days later for another round and ended up eating outside on someone's stoop. Anyway, the place runs on the honor system, basically. You walk inside past the cash register, the bottles of hot sauce, and the freshly baked treats, order from the counter, eat, and then pay when you leave. Conceivably, you could order three sandwiches and only tell them you ordered two (there's no receipt to present to anyone), but then you'd be a low class dick. The lines are short, but there will be one, and bring a book or a friend to talk to because this isn't fast food. You can wait upwards of twenty minutes for your sandwich to be ready.

When I returned, which was inevitable, I ordered the Macho Man or Woman. Think Asian barbecue meets the deep south. Pulled pork, cheddar cheese, duck sauce, coleslaw, and pickled jalapenos. Very good but it was my least favorite of three. Very sweet. Too sweet. Bad for the diet/competition I'm in, that's for sure. Pike's gonna win if I eat another sandwich like this. The pulled pork was so soft that I can only guess that it was slow roasted for a week. I think the sandwich could have used less of the duck sauce and more of the coleslaw. It's a sloppy sandwich, too. That doesn't affect the taste or anything, but I do recommend access to a table and napkins, instead of someone's front steps.