e a t e r y R O W

BEACH 96th STREET
LOBSTER JOINT, UMA'S, BOLIVIAN LLAMA PARTY

96th Street... on the beach.

Rockaway, NY 11693

It's August and Labor Day is about to come and take away our white clothing (damn pinkos). But there's still time to run to the beach while the sun's still out and sunbathe or swim or, in my case, eat. The big problem with beach food, typically, is that there isn't any. There might be some guy selling ices and every so often a small plane flies overhead with a banner advertising a happy hour with fifty cent wings two miles away, but nine times out of ten, beach food means having to lug a picnic basket filled with stuff you got at Blimpie and a Thermos of sangria. But not at the Rockaways. 

No, here, there's a food court, complete with everything from hamburgers to lobster rolls to deep fried funnel cakes filled with beef. Yup. Deep fried funnel cake. Filled with beef. There's also a bar. 

When Myna and I arrived, it was a blisteringly hot 71 degrees and the sun was no match for the rain clouds that seemed to be threatening to wreck havoc on all beneath them. However, that meant that the lines at the food shops were short. There are about ten places to choose from; barbecue, bar food, hot dogs, Uzbeki, a juice place, a lobster joint, and some South American options. Myna and I opted to grab our lunch from three places. Prices are a little bit higher than I would have liked, and you should expect to spend about $12 per person, plus drinks. On the positive side, everything is made fresh, right there. On the negative side, that means waiting. And waiting. Even without anyone else being cooked for but us, between ordering and eating was a good twenty minutes.

The first thing I got was a lobster roll from Lobster Joint. Like a number of the restaurant kiosks here at the beach, there is a more traditional brick and mortar spot that they stem from. Lobster Joint has another location in Greenpoint. It was a damn fine lobster roll, but not, as far as I'm concerned, better than that which you'd get at Luke's or Red Hook Lobster Pound. At $17, it was the least bang for my buck, despite the bag of chips and pickle that it comes with. The best bang for our buck was from the Uzbek Uma's. Like Lobster Joint, Uma's has a brick and mortar spot as well, but instead of being in trendy Greenpoint, it's location is just a few blocks away. I ordered the beef and rice pirozkhi. Remember I told you about a funnel cake stuffed with beef? That was this. Four bucks and it's huge. It's pretty greasy, but it's delicious. How could it not be? It's literally deep fried dough stuffed with meat. There are other flavors like cabbage or potato or egg, but who in their right mind would choose those over beef? Now, if they just dusted it with a little powdered sugar...

Myna was, deep down, hankering for a frozen banana topped in nuts and chocolate, but closest thing to dessert was the smoothie place. Instead, she went to The Bolivian Llama Party. Trying to decide between a triple pork sandwich or Bolivian nachos, she chose nachos. Plantain chips loaded with black beans, creme fraiche, cheese, hot sauce, and - to pander to the yupsters - quinoa. She chose not to have a scoop of pulled pork dumped on top. Instead, she supplemented the loss of calories from the pork with a beni saltena. A beef empanada. A large beef empanada. Was it $6 large? That's up to you. We got it. The nachos were extremely good and surprisingly heavy. Plantain chips are noticeably thicker and more dense than the corn ones you'd usually get when ordering nachos at Random Mexican Place or Shitty Sportsbar X. It was also nice to see a little contrast in toppings, from hoi polloi cheese whiz-style American cheese sauce on the one hand, to chichi creme fraiche on the other. The hot sauce was far from actually hot, but it added a nice tangy zip to the lunch. As for the saltena, fantastic. So good. Hard to describe good. Get-it-even-though-it-costs-$6 good.

Lunch concluded, we started wandering on the beach for a bit, but ultimately decided that we would be better off burning away the lard from our rather heavy meal with a hike through the Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge, which is only about a ten minute drive north. And so we did. 

Afterwards, we got some coffees at Starbucks and bought groceries for dinner at Trader Joe's. But that, dear readers, is a tale for another time.

The U.S. Open Food Tasting Preview

2014

Every August, New York City hosts the U.S. Open, the prestigious tennis championship. It draws players from dozens of countries and visitors from over 100. Big power-players like Masaharu Morimoto, David Burke, and Tony Mantuano cook up menus to feed up to 17,000 guests every day. Allegedly there are some sports-type people floating around too. Google tells me that Ana Ivanovic was standing next to me for about 20 minutes during the reception, but you can't always trust the internet.

I arrived with Emma right on time and we immediately grabbed the first cocktails we saw. After two of them Emma nudged me. "I think I'm getting drunk," she said. "That's quite a feat," I told her. "We've only been having non-alcoholic ones so far." I sought to remedy the situation and headed over to the Grey Goose station for some real drinks. Upon my arrival, Emma had flagged down a waiter with a platter of fried chicken sandwiches courtesy of Hill Country Chicken, one of the best fried chicken spots I know. For the next couple of hours forward, the food continued to come. Sushi from Morimoto, filet mignon steak sandwiches from Pat LaFreida, truffled grilled cheeses from Morris, caprese sandwiches, seared ahi tuna, oysters with caviar, flambéd shrimp, lobster rolls, tacos, slabs of bacon, charcuterie plates, blueberry cobblers, and key lime pies. To say that we ate well at this particular luncheon is to put it mildly and, I am sure, should you get yourself some tickets to the U.S. Open this year, you will too.

TARTINERY

209 Mulberry Street

New York, NY 10012

(212) 300-5838

There are three Tartinerys in the city and Myna and I found ourselves at the Nolita/Soho one for dinner one recent balmy evening. The interior is a cold, stone gray with warm, wood accents and the occasional tree. There's a relaxed chicness to the restaurant that was very inviting and pleasant. Indeed, there are a precious few restaurants in which I might choose to eat alone without fear of appearing like that guy you feel sad for with the book at his table.

Myna and I both enjoyed the atmosphere but were less enamored by the service. It not very crowded, even at 8pm, but flagging down a waiter was difficult all the same. From a price perspective, it's in the middle. Entrees are in the $17-23 range and the tartines that they serve, which are sort of like open faced sandwiches, average $15.

The first one that I bit into was the Saumon Fume, made with smoked salmon and creme fraiche with a little lemon juice and dill. It was very good. Cool and summery. Joining it on the plate was the Asperges Avocat a tartiner of avocado, asparagus, arugula, pumpkin seed, parmesan, and lemon juice. It was essentially a salad on a piece of toast. Also, a pleasant light dish that was quite enjoyable. I would solidly recommend both of these. The second plate contained the Poulet Roti: roast chicken on an herbal mayo with fennel and olive oil, and the Labne, a more-Mediterranean-than-French tartine with yogurt, cucumber, and za'atar (mixed Mediterranean spices. The poulet roti was phenomenal. It was sweet and savory and tender and I would consider returning to Tartinery for this dish alone. Maybe I'd go back and get two of them. The Labne was very bland, however. If you want something that has a middle eastern aura about it, then by all means give the Labne a chance, but in my opinion it felt like it was on the wrong menu.

Okay, so the entrees. We were impressed with neither. Recalling how amazing the duck breast at Burke & Wills was, my taste buds all but forced me to order the Seared Duck Breast, served with roasted peaches. I requested it made medium rare. I then requested a steak knife because it arrived well done and trying to cut into it with the available table knife was an exercise in futility. It coulda-been shoulda-been great. The peaches were very good and thick, rich, sweet sauce was also delicious, but the meat itself was dry and tough. Speaking of dry and tough, Myna's Poulet Fermier, a pan seared chicken leg and thigh, with a side of what I think was kale but what the menu said was mizuna, was right up there alongside my duck. The moisture had been sapped from the meat almost completely. Wherever the moisture went, it wasn't into the greens, because they too were dry and almost brittle. "I don't even think that they seasoned anything" she said as we ate. Along with our, we ordered a side of Mixed Vegetables, gratin-style zucchini over a layer of diced tomato. It was nothing to write home about.

For dessert, we chose the Tarte Tatin, an inside-out apple pie type dish with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side. Myna enjoyed it more than I did. I had a few nibbles, thought a few wistful thoughts about Mrs. Smith, and packed up my spoon.

Two glasses of sparkling wine, four mini-tartines (or two regular sized ones), two entrees, and a dessert should run you $106 plus tax and tip.  Like I said, treat Tartinery like a small plates restaurant and stick with the tartines and you'll be happy.

DAVID BURKE KITCHEN

23 Grand Street

New York, NY 10013

(212) 201-9119

Just north of Tribeca is the James Hotel, a boutique hotel that offers, in addition to the standard hotel room experience you might get at a Hilton or a Marriott, whole apartments for a few hundred bucks a night. This is irrelevant. The important thing is that right next to it (technically part of the hotel, but with a different door) is David Burke Kitchen and Myna suggested that we meet up after work and go there. It was Restaurant Week, they hadn't watered down the menu to a three choice flyer you'd  expect to see at your cousin's wedding, and we happen to be a couple that enjoys a good deal when we see one.

The crowd is distinctively an upscale one made from a healthfully age-diverse crowd of young professional types, retirees, and the people in the middle. As with most upscale casual restaurants in this price point, the dress code is less "dress to impress" than "don't be a bum". The people here were of the generally attractive Soho set, so, you know, wear deodorant and don't ask for a can of Gennesee. If you must drink, and if you're anything like me, you probably must, bring along a greater expectation of cost. Cocktails are $16 each and I didn't particularly like either of the ones that we had. So get wine.

On the whole, the meal was very good. Not everything shone, in my mind, but I'm pickier than Myna is. Or maybe my tongue has numbed with old age. Either way, we started off with a small pre-appetizer plate of Peanut Maple Butter Bacon Dates, which sounds like a blast of calories not seen since a Laura Deen plantation party. And, despite the deep-fried grape that they place alongside it, by no means was this dish healthy. Nor was it particularly good. Myna disagrees with me, but I could easily have skipped this and not looked back. I feel like I could have liked the whole bacon-with-peanut-butter thing, but he date was virtually tasteless and I have learned that grapes are best served unfried. For her appetizer, Myna chose the Tomato and Watermelon Gazpacho. The cold soup was poured gently around a crab cake. While it wasn't really my taste, she liked it and I can understand how most people would on a hot summer day. It was sweet without being too much so, and thick without being a stew. It certainly won't be like any other gazpacho you've ever had. Despite of normally not being much of a salad guy, my time with Myna has shown me that I love kale salads, something I honestly never saw coming. I got the Kale Salad tossed with yogurt, peaches, currants, cashews, and Parmesan cheese. It was fantastic. This was definitely the right choice.

For her entree, Myna ordered the Heritage Pork, a loin served with a barbecue gravy, green beans, and a cornbread cake/sandwich thing that had pulled pork in the middle and a pickled watermelon relish on top. We agreed that the pork was delicious and that the cornbread cake thing was okay. It looked nice on the plate, but that's where most of it stayed. I opted for the Short Rib served on a bed of cavatelli and wild mushrooms with a little topping of truffle mousse to add a creamy note to it all. Perfection. The pasta was fantastic, the meat was so tender that it could have been literally eaten with a spoon, and although it looks like a relatively small portion, it's so heavy that by the time you're done, you feel like you ate a house.

Given the weight of my entree, I wanted something light and guiltless for dessert and I chose the Summer Fruit and Sorbet. The fruit was mostly melon, though there were a couple of berries and two pieces of raspberry meringue tossed in for color. The sorbet was blueberry lime. Myna loved the sorbet. I was indifferent over all but I got what I asked for: a guiltless dessert. Myna, on the other hand ordered dessert the proper way and chose something decadent. She had the Frozen Arnold Palmer, an almost impossible to describe creamy indulgence of sweet tea and lemon. It has to have been one of the most delicious desserts I can remember having.