e a t e r y R O W

SWEET REVENGE

62 Carmine Street

New York, NY 10014

(212) 242-2240

The cupcake scene here in New York seemed to have peaked a few years ago when a new cupcake shop was opening every two days and Crumbs Bakery suddenly expanded to Starbucks proportions. That said, there is now and always will be a sweet spot for the urban cupcake place, even if they all end up blending together the way that Greek diners have. Every once in a while, a shop will open up and try to break the mold; try to come up with a new twist differentiating their buttercream topped risen dough from all of the others. Sometimes they sell hamburgers too. Sometimes they make each cupcake bite-sized. But, for reasons that I can only attribute to the hassles of getting a liquor license, the cupcake shop/wine bar isn't a concept that's exploded to its full potential. It's a good idea. Nay, it's a great idea.

Myna loves Sweet Revenge and it was she who introduced me to it. Cupcakes. Wine. Paired. Simple. Why isn't this being done everywhere?

Sweet Revenge's interior has its rustic charm with raw wood tables, vintage chairs, and the occasional fern. Unlike almost any other cupcake shop (shoppe?) that I've been to, there is table service and you can order brunch just in case you show up on a Sunday afternoon. And of course, they make espresso.

We ordered two cupcakes. Myna chose their signature Sweet Revenge because it's her favorite, while I went for one of the rotating "specials", the Tart. The tart initially feels like a simple lemon cupcake, but you'll soon learn that it's not. It's a lemon vanilla cake with a tart curd center and a lemon buttercream frosting topped with shaved lemon zest. Part of me wished that it had a raspberry jam center, but it was great as it was. Plus, the jam might be cliche. The sweet revenge cupcake couldn't have been more different. Its peanut butter cake, ganache filling and peanut butter frosting make it exceptionally heavy and intensely sweet; a whole meal and a dentist's wet dream. Don't order it looking for a light little dessert. The menu pairs each cupcake with a suggested wine, but we ordered each with a glass of bubbly prosecco. It was too hot out for red.

Cupcakes run $3.50 each. Wines are available by the bottle or by the glass for about what you'd expect to pay for wine at a cute wine bar in the West Village.

SONS OF ESSEX

133 Essex Street

New York, NY 10002

(212) 674-7100

The last time I paid attention to celebrity opinion, I wound up at The Fat Radish, a mistake that I clearly didn't learn my lesson from and so made reservations at Sons of Essex, another restaurant that, I must assume, survives solely on its hype. When famous people talk about how much they like something, we consumers can't wait to spend our money on it. Just ask the members of Oprah's book club and the people who unironically bought Paris Hilton's perfume.

To be entirely fair, and to keep what little journalistic integrity I have intact, I cannot blame SoE completely for what would turn out to be a pretty shitty evening. I was on a date. It wasn't our first, hence the pricey meal, and it was supposed to be awesome but was... less than awesome. So while dinner wasn't the sole reason that the date flopped, it sure didn't help. Neither did losing my drivers license or getting on the super slow subway train... That said... well, let's just get to it, eh?

Walking in, you'll immediately learn that even with half of the tables empty, Sons of Essex is so loud that you'll be screaming across the table. Having the rap and pop music cranked to the max ensures that what could be a moody, maybe even romantic meal will instead be like eating dinner in a club. You have no choice but to yell and say "what?!?" almost constantly. This, however, is par for the course with a hotspot restaurant. Indeed, it's intentional and anyone who didn't see it coming clearly never visited the SoE website. However, we had a distant and pissy waitress who gave us a tone when we needed more time to look at the menu and who seemingly vanished into thin air when we finally needed her. I didn't like it but I've dealt with that before though, too. I'm used to it. It's not exactly rare.

I do draw the line, however, at having the people stick constantly their arms in my face. On no fewer than six occasions, if one of our water glasses was so much as one sip low, some guy wandering the room would walk up to us, and, leaning over, reach his arm out in front of our faces and, in the middle of our conversation pick up the water that was left on the table. He'd refill our glasses and then reach out again to replace the bottle. This obnoxious, intrusive interruption repeated itself over and over again. Why, I ask, would they give our table a bottle of water if they didn't think we could refill our own glasses? And why, I also ask, would the water guy insist on reaching in front of our faces to perform this clearly vital service rather than approach the table from the other fucking side?!?! Is it me? Did I lose the memo about how that's the new etiquette?

She ordered the Truffle Mushroom Pizza to start. We assumed that this would have been an appetizer sized appetizer, but no, this was something to share. It was huge. And you know what? It was really good! It wasn't eighteen dollars good, but it was good. A thin crust "pizza" with sheeps milk ricotta, arugula, parmesan, truffle oil, sauteed mushroom, mascarpone and goat cheese. If you find yourself here, get this. My appetizer was the Pork Belly Sliders, open face pork belly sliders with hoisin and plum sauce, cilantro, and a carrot. The pork belly was okay, but the carrot was an awkward and unfortunate thing to pair it with. The open faced slider might look good on the plate, but it's difficult to eat and you're basically forced to take the whole thing in one bite. This is made worse by the fact that the bread was so doughy as to feel like it was still batter. After a minute of hard chewing and a few slugs of water followed by an arm in the face, I got it down. Neither of us cared for this dish.

My date won again when it came to entrees. She ordered the Day Boat Scallops with a butter corn risotto. I've had better scallops, but they weren't terrible and the risotto was surprisingly good. They should just offer it as a side all on its own. My choice was the Bone-In Pork Chop, with lemon, herbs, and a mango papaya salsa. This was one of the driest port chops that I've ever had. Honestly, I wasn't very enamored by the salsa either, but it was the only thing giving the dish any moisture. Cutting through it was like sawing through a log and chewing it was like gnawing on a wood chip. Pork chops are notoriously difficult to do properly and this one wasn't.

Since no trendy restaurant is allowed to call itself trendy without some signature cocktails, we had a couple rounds of their specialty concoctions. All four were mediocre. Ask for a sazerac and don't waste your time. 

Unable to really have a conversation that went uninterrupted by either the music or the water guy, and nonplussed by the drinks and the pricetag, we took a pass on dessert and hit the streets to wander elsewhere.

If you prefer your dinner to be more about the scene than the food or the service, Sons of Essex is for you. SoE will never come close to winning a Michelin star, but don't be surprised if they put bottle service on the menu one day soon.

[ © Copyright eateryROW 2013 ]

CRAFTBAR

900 Broadway

New York, NY 10003

(212) 461-4300

Craftbar is Tom Colicchio's cheap restaurant. Of course when dealing with this definition of "cheap", it helps to understand that it's a relative description. Relative to Craft and Craftsteak and Colicchio & Sons, it is indeed cheap. It'll still set you back $70 per person on average for a standard appetizer-entree-drink dinner. That said, Craftbar is one of my favorite restaurants in the city. It's laid back, but classy. You don't have to dress up to go there, but no one will be in a Rangers jersey either.

We arrived midweek at close to 9 and Craftbar was about 75% full. Not bad, but around the corner ABC Cocina had a two hour wait. We were seated right away with great big smiles by a very pleasant staff. My only complaint was that the staff was, perhaps, a little too present. For example, I ordered a beer and literally the instant I poured the last of it into my glass, someone swooped in to clear the empty bottle. Kinda creepy, but at the end of the meal they gave us a complimentary dessert (for no reason at all) so it evened out. 

Speeds decided that she wasn't really hungry enough for a "real" dinner, so she didn't get one and instead loaded up on small dishes, though I think she wound up eating more than I did. Part of Craftbar's menu is devoted to "snacks" so, if appetizers are half the size of entrees, snacks are half the size of appetizers. Anyway, this unorthodox method of ordering meant that her dishes arrived sort of at random. I'm just going to lump all of hers in one pile and mine in another. Okay? Cool.

First, Speeds got the East Coast Oysters. They're $3 each and she got three. A quick little bite before the meal really began. It wasn't really feasible to share, so I can't attest to how good they were, but who doesn't like oysters? She sucked them down pretty fast, so my educated guess was that she enjoyed them. Her next dish was the Fried Baby Artichokes with a lemon aioli dip. These I did try and they were delicious. A hint of crunch over a soft artichoke center. Artichoke is a somewhat neutral flavor, so pairing it with something as tangy as lemon runs the risk of really overpowering its taste. But they did a good job with the aioli. Speeds liked it so much that she almost ordered another. Her third small plate was the Roasted Beet Salad: beets, orange puree, picked fennel, and pistachios in balsamic vinegar. I personally don't care for beets so don't pay any attention to my opinion of this appetizer. I thought it tasted like beet salad and I'm not about to jump up and down about it, but Speeds made a big to do about it. The truth is, nothing we ate at Craftbar, either this particular night or any of the other times that I've been here has been anything less than good, so I'm willing to bet that if you tend to like beets, the odds are in your favor for liking this, too. Marinated Montauk Squid with lentils, picked shallots, and pickles celery was my appetizer and to say that this was anything short of sensational would be to sell it short. It honestly might be the best squid dish that I've ever had. It's a cold dish and in the summer that only adds to my appreciation of it. I am somewhat surprised that adding picked vegetables would have worked, but the pickles were limited and none of the flavors were drowned out. Absolutely order this one. 

For "dinner" Speeds had a Cheese Plate. Three cheeses that our waitress basically picked out for her for $12. It was a cheese plate. Nothing more, nothing less. I, on the other hand, tried the Buttermilk Fried Young Chicken with barbecue heirloom beans (a fancy way of saying baked beans in barbecue sauce), grits, and braised escarole. The whole Southern-themed dinner thing was very big a couple of years ago so, having assumed that it's fifteen minutes were up, I was more than a little surprised that it was on the menu. I remember Craftbar had a very good roast chicken that I usually got, so, sticking with my history of ordering poultry here, I gave this one a high-calorie whirl. I liked it. It looked way bigger on the plate than it really was though. You essentially get six buffalo wing pieces of chicken and once you lose the bones there isn't a whole lot there. Still, what there was of it was quite tasty. The batter wasn't too thick and there was just the right degree of seasoning. As for the sides, the grits were pretty good, though the escarole was better. The beans were not more than forgettably okay. Barbecued baked beans are pleasantly generic and their sweetness was welcome alongside the grits and escarole. 

We weren't planning to order dessert, but then, out of nowhere the waitress hands us a complimentary Strawberry Rhubarb Pudding that I ate most of. It was very very good. And only now am I thinking that it's a great southern follow up dessert for my fried chicken (!). If I was going to get dessert, I hope I would have chosen this.

Two glasses of wine, one beer, a cheese plate, two "snacks", two appetizers, and an entree came to $146 with tax and tip.

[ © Copyright eateryROW 2013 ]