e a t e r y R O W

BROOKLYN CRAB

24 Reed Street

Brooklyn, NY 11231

(718) 643-2722

Somewhere on the quality spectrum between Bubba Gump and Red Lobster lies Brooklyn Crab, a massive restaurant in Red Hook, Brooklyn, across the parking lot from Fairway, that has yet to meet a salt water creature that it didn't want to deep fry. Brooklyn Crab is famous for its long lines. Friends who've been there before me waited two hours for a table and I've heard of waits of up to four. Why anyone would stand on a Red Hook sidewalk for as long as it takes to drive to Cape Cod is beyond me, but on this occasion, we didn't wait at all. We also got there at 4 in the afternoon.

I'd showed up with Emma, Captain, and some of their friends after an unsuccessful drive through Brooklyn hunting for any open flea markets. Long story. We eventually found our way to Red Hook, a picturesque and isolated part of our most populous borough. Emma suggested Brooklyn Crab the previous night, and I was gung ho about going. Brooklyn Crab has been on my list ever since being warned about how over-hyped it was. I just needed to see for myself. As I said though, there was no wait on this particular excursion. We were led upstairs to a large table by some very pleasant staff and presented with menus that were shockingly expensive; some entrees working their way into the $40s. Average entree prices were in the $20s, unless you count sandwiches, but that's too much. 

Captain and one of the as-yet nameless friends ordered a bowl of New England Clam Chowder, which was a little too reliant on potatoes but which wasn't bad in any respect. This was followed up with a round of Fried Calamari. Unfortunately, the calamari was thoroughly forgettable and just like any other fried calamari you've ever had this side of an Arthur Treacher's. I was impressed by Emma's PEI Mussels, served in a traditional white wine and garlic broth, but I do wish that there was a little more broth. Make that a lot more broth. But the mussels were large and not filled with sand. My appetizer was the Crab Bites, which were basically four or five little balls of fried crab cake. The best part was the spicy "Cajun" dipping sauce that it came with, but I can't give too many raves to the crab bites themselves... especially not for $13. There was also a Caesar Salad but the plate was too far away for me to stick my fork in it. So far, everything we ate could have been bought in the frozen food section from the supermarket across the street and we'd never have been able to tell the difference.

The one who was most impressed with his entree was one of Emma's friends, who ordered the Crab Roll. Shredded crab meat, lemon, mayo, chives, and Old Bay on a hot dog bun. And yes, having taken a bite, it was pretty good. It was certainly better than my meal, the 1.5LB Snow Crab cooked in a "spicy boil" and dusted with "southern spices". I burned more calories trying to get through the rubbery shell to the meat than I consumed from eating it and what little I got came with the odd taste of cayenne and salt water. I buried most of the few bites I could get my hands on in butter while cursing at a wasted $26. Never again. I did enjoy the corn on the cob though. Emma enjoyed her Atlantic Sea Scallops, a big bucket of big scallops, deep fried (of course) in a thick batter. Everything is better in batter, they say, and at least she got a lot of food. I asked Captain how his Wild Atlantic Cod fish basket was. "Well, it's deep fried white fish with french fries. So I can't complain." 

I can't see myself recommending Brooklyn Crab to anyone but those with time to kill and money to burn. It's fun in a theme park sort of way, but not in a real restaurant sort of way. If you're shopping at Fairway and want to leave your car in the same spot while you grab a basket of fried seafood, then you should definitely go. Otherwise... If you want an excuse to travel to Red Hook, I recommend Fort Defiance, if you want outer borough seafood, I recommend London Lennies, and if you want to drink outside in the summer, may I suggest a beer garden like Bohemian Hall or Berry Park.

[ © Copyright eateryROW 2013 ]

THE GREAT GOOGA MOOGA 2013

From across the city, dozens of restaurants and tens of thousands of hungry New Yorkers converged on Prospect Park for a solid weekend of food and wine and beer and music. The weather was damp, with a light drizzle coming off and on, but that wasn't enough to keep out the picnic blankets, barbecues, little league games, and foodies away from the park. 

Last year was The Great Googa Mooga's maiden voyage and it was, by all accounts, a total snafu. Long lines, some fisticuffs, and overcrowding the likes of while even a Brooklyn hipster used to sharing a Bushwick studio had yet to see. This year, it seemed extremely smooth. The lines to get in were acceptable (shorter if you leave your bag at home because then you can skip the line to have it searched) and the lines for food were short. At worst, you waited ten minutes. Litter was nearly zero. 

If you go tomorrow, then expect to pay an average of $10 per dish and $8 per beer. There are some tables, plenty of grass, and, should you shell out a few extra bucks, a wine bar area with sofas under a huge tent to relax in, to say nothing of the live music and a mini Renaissance fair. GGM is cash only, so hit the bank before you hit the F train. The doors open at 11am and close at 8pm and there was a steady stream of people coming in and out for the few hours that we spent there.  

UPDATE: Sadly, the weekend's rain cancelled the event on Sunday. I'm glad I was able to go and definitely hope to go again in 2014.

PICHOLINE

35 West 64th Street

New York, NY 10023

(212) 724-8585

Maybe you're the sort of diner that waxes nostalgic over the passing of the days when going out required a bit of a production. Jackets and ties. Brooches and makeup. Perfume and cologne. Not a Lakers hat in sight. Fear not, sweet lamentite, such places still exist and Picholine is right there with them, so don't forget your jacket. 

There are no prices at Picholine. Everyone gets a choice between the $100 per person three course prix-fix menu or the slightly more expensive seven course tasting menu. Dudeman, Shrink, and I went for the standard prix-fix. Wine is extra and glasses cost about $20 per and most bottles are between $100 and $300 with some outliers on either side. That being said, don't go expecting to find something in either the reasonable $40 range or blatantly unreasonable $5,000 range.

The interior is colored in relaxing pastels and since the lamps are aimed at the walls, the light emitted is a pleasantly diffused white glow. Even the chairs remind me of orthopedic shoes. The music is piano jazz. The volume of conversation is hushed. Don't drop your pin; someone might wake up. The silence was contagious and when Dudeman raised his voice ever so slightly telling a story, I shuddered in embarrassment. "Calm down man!" I thought. "Can't you see the couple at the next table trying to die in their sleep?"

The courses at Picholine are of the variety that is small enough to have generated countless Far Side cartoons. Knowing this, the chefs prepare a series of pre-meal amuse bouches as well as offering a variety of breads. The first to arrive was a pressed olive and fennel pyramid-shaped thing which, at best, was revolting. If you can imagine eating a piece of black licorice that you found sitting in an ashtray at happy hour, you'd have an idea of what it was like. And yet, this hideousness was followed shortly thereafter by a small square of sweet carrot pudding that was reminiscent of a carrot brownie and a grape-sized glazed and candied fig ball. Both were delicious and almost made me forget about the ashtray. But... I photograph my food, so I didn't.

Picholine is known for its cheese, but we skipped right over that choice and headed straight for the dessert menu. Mine was the best. It was the Flowers For Mom, an elderflower panna cotta over a vanilla sponge cake and under a rose sorbet. Amazing. Stop arguing with me and get it. Dudeman opted for the Rhubarb Contrasts, a strange dessert of rhubarb cream and rhubarb sorbet with a lychee somethingorother. I gave a solid meh. So did he. Shrink went with the Dark Chocolate Brownie, served under a minted pea ice cream (yep, pea ice cream) with bacon meringue (a white candy-cracker type thing that hardly tasted of bacon (probably for the better)). These rather experimental desserts were followed by a  selection of various candies, like the beet and jalapeno macarons pictured below, as well as a variety of chocolates and sweet gummies. The coffee is specialty Fonté French-press (with tasting notes) and will run you $12, but you do get three cups worth out of it.. I ordered their Bin 16.