e a t e r y R O W

THE BURGER BISTRO

1663 First Avenue

New York, NY 10028

(646) 368-1134

I had heard about The Burger Bistro via one of those daily food, drink, and things-you-could-totally-do-if-only-you-weren't-single-or-if-you-had-friends-who-enjoyed-doing-stuff email newsletters that every New Yorker between the ages of 25 and 35 gets a dozen of and decided to head out of my lunchtime convenience zone to the upper east side to partake in its unhealthiness. Inside, it's not large, but it's hardly a postage stamp. There are perhaps fifteen tables. If most burger joints are well lit and bright to convey a sort of fun, good times to be had by all mood, Burger Bistro is dark, but not oddly so. With its wine and beer list, it clearly wants to convey a sort of bar scene atmosphere without having an actual bar to sit at.

The Burger Bistro is one of those burger places where you create your own bespoke hamburger. You pick from their selection of meats, cheeses, sauces, toppings, and buns and concoct your very own heart attack conveyance system. You want something wacky like a shrimp burger with goat cheese, wasabi mayo, and hot Italian sausage on garlic bread? Go for it. You want something shi shi like organic lamb with smoked gouda, applewood bacon, and a horseradish cream sauce on a brioche bun? Knock yourself out. They also have a handful of nifty appetizers. I went for the Deep Fried Corn on the Cob served with a drizzle of chipotle mayo. It was amazing. It's not deep fried with a batter, so it doesn't feel like you're eating corn in the least healthy way possible. It was as moist as though it had been cooked any other "normal" way, and the chipotle mayo really did add a new but welcome layer of flavor. My only complaints were that they added salt, which I thought was unnecessary, and they give you two of them. So it's a lot of food.

Rather than choose to make up my own hamburger, I went with The Burger Bistro's Luther Burger. It's a bacon, egg, and cheese hamburger served with a glazed doughnut instead of a bun. Basically, the perfect food for a convicted felon who can't make up his mind what his last meal should be. Initially, I thought for sure they had to have stolen the idea from Paula Deen, a woman who's made her living by killing more Southerners with diabetes than Yankee musket balls could have ever hoped to. But no. Although she did co-opt the recipe for her show, apparently, it's been around since Luther Vandross invented it, according to legend. I ordered it medium rare and was glad I did. There was something oddly satisfying about eating a blood-soaked doughnut. I'm not going to go nuts and say it was the best cheeseburger I'd ever eaten, but it was pretty good. It was an experience. The glaze of the doughnut on my fingers did make doing my lunchtime crossword puzzle more difficult than I'm normally accustomed to, but it's a small price to pay for something tasty (the big price will be paid by my left ventricle). If I could make a small suggestion to the chefs, it would be this: first, add way more bacon and make it low sodium. On a dish like a Luther burger, every ingredient is powerful and fighting for the domination of your taste buds. Beef and cheese and fried eggs and a glazed doughnut and bacon. They're all foods with type-A personalities and not used to playing second fiddle. The bacon wasn't given enough volume in this particular screaming match and was completely lost with the exception of its salt. So I tasted THAT, but no bacon. And the egg would have been so much better if it bled yolk all over the plate. Oh, that would have been amazing. 

I stupidly ordered a side of Seasoned Fries, which were no better than meh. The seasoning added nothing and I was so full by the time I even tried eating them that even picking at them for a half hour didn't put too much of a dent in the pile. I did not order any dessert. The service was very very good.

My lunch, which was an appetizer, a side of fries, a soda, and a burger came out to around $35 with tax and tip. The Luther burger, an off menu "special" was $18 of that. Typically, you should expect to pay about $12 with fixin's.

OLIVES

201 Park Avenue South

New York, NY 10003

(212) 353-8345

One of Speeds' favorite places to eat when she lived in the city was Todd English's Union Square restaurant, Olives. We wound up here on many an occasion, much to the lament of my wallet, largely because she couldn't get enough of their butternut squash tortellini. This time, as a way to relive the old days when she wasn't living upstate, it was my suggestion to go here. Olives is located at the W Hotel on Park Avenue South. As a result of this trendy landlord and a steady influx of tourists willing to lay down wads of moolah to stay at a trendy hotel, Olives and its accompanying sofa-filled lobby bar are chock filled with people with money and the people who follow people with money. 

Olives is dimly lit and sexy without being an over-the-top joke like Buddakan. The menu is pricey without being on another planet, and like any good restaurant that knows that it's catering to an audience of tourists and out-of-town businessmen, the food, which is a sort of amalgam between American and Mediterranean, manages to be ethnic without being too too ethnic.

Speeds' appetizer was the Spicy Chicken Meatballs with sliced cherry peppers in an agrodolce sauce. The meatballs were very good. They were pan seared so there was a little bit of a shell crust to the meat and they popped like flavor balls in your mouth. My one complaint was that the agriodolce, a sauce made from sugar and vinegar, was a little too heavy with the vinegar. As a result, with each bite you'd get a nose of vinegar. Maybe this is something you'd enjoy, and I'm sure that some will, but I found it distracting. Like many restaurants, Olives offers half sized portions of their pasta. So, instead of a traditional appetizer, I chose a half portion of the Rabbit Tagliatelle, a pasta with a leg of rabbit ragout, mushrooms, and parmesan cheese. It was fantastic and next time I'll probably order a full sized one instead.

Speeds of course ordered the Tortelli of Butternut Squash (after all, it was why we came), and she absolutely loved every bite. I was a bit more apathetic and seemed to have remembered it being a bit tastier back in the day when we last ate here. It was also extremely sweet. Too much for me personally. But hey, if she liked it, who am I to judge? It's certainly a fall/winter dish that was totally appropriate with the freezing weather. My main course was the Fire Roasted Chicken, a roast chicken quarter with mashed potatoes, sauteed Brussels sprouts with cranberry and little cubes of bacon. Unfortunately, this was the weakest dish of the night. The chicken was bland, the skin was not nearly crispy enough, the side Brussels sprouts/cranberry/bacon side dish was boring and the mashed potatoes were tasteless. There's no way I can recommend something so dull that cost so much.

FLATIRON LOUNGE

37 West 19th Street

New York, NY 10011

(212) 727-7741

Cocktail lounges in New York are plentiful enough to be verging on common. That's good. But there's something about a place that isn't hidden, isn't banking its self-worth on being exclusive. It's nice to be able to just walk into a joint and have a drink without a game. Flatiron Lounge loudly proclaims itself through with a flag the size a king size bed flapping at its second story and there's no waiting game to get in. This can mean that sometimes you'll find yourself shoulder-to-shoulder with people, but it also means that sometimes, you can just wander in off the street with no plans, mosey up to the bar and have a great drink.

As I may have implied, I've been to Flatiron Lounge quite a few times, but never got around to writing about it. Early imbibers will be welcomed by warm jazz, a very light crowd, and personal service by the bartender. Later guests should come equipped with the patience to wait a long time for the bartender notice you, should not expect to sit down, and should expect a loud, club-like atmosphere. Two very different sides of the same coin. Naturally, I think that Flatiron Lounge is best enjoyed before it gets too late and becomes a loud bar filled standing-room-only with yuppies. Flatiron Lounge is amazing during the pre-dinner hours but unbearable once the bankers and arm candy starts coming in. 

 

I was so happy when Elbie and I walked in on a Saturday night at 7 to find that the sweet spot had yet to expire. Rarely do I find myself in the kind of company that requires one of Flatiron's crescent-shaped booths that can accommodate eight. Instead, take a seat by the bar and order something nice. Elbie tried the Pisco Punch, a sweet drink made mostly of pisco and pineapple. It's a classic and there's no reason not to go with the classics at this art-deco cocktail point. I had a Loving Cup. Rum, guava, lemon and Swedish Punsch, a classic rum-sugar-spices liqueur. Both drinks brought out the summer feelings that the unseasonably warm temperatures have, at late, been inspiring.

On a number of occasions Bro and I made plans to follow in mine and Elbie's footsteps with an early drink before dinner (they open at 4), but sadly, circumstances prevented it.

Cocktails at Flatiron Lounge, with tax and tip, should be expected to run you about $15 each. The menu of cocktails is a big one, so the odds are, they're going to have your poison.

[ © Copyright eateryROW 2013 ]

BEST/WORST 2012

Just for the taste of it, MMXII.

Twenty twelve was a different kind of year for me. I really self-policed. With very few exceptions I didn't just go somewhere for the sake of going. I didn't want to spend money on a meal that would suck. In a sense, that meant that when something sucked, it was extra irritating. But it also meant that I usually liked where I wound up. It made picking my best of list a bit harder. One thing you can count on though, if the oft unemotional me starts raving about a place, then there's a reason. Especially this year.

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THE BEST

The winner of eateryROW's Best Restaurant 2012 is Goat Town, the gastropub/bistro on East 5th Street. Why? Because it might be perfect. The food was great, the drinks were great, the staff was great, the ambiance was great. Goat Town literally did nothing wrong. What more can I possibly say except why aren't you eating there right now instead of reading this?

Wine bars tend to blend together. There's almost an unwritten rule that they need to be dimly lit, have black floors, play non-pop music, and have tiny bowls of olives on the menu. And that's fine. I like the wine bar mold. But that's not Ayza. Ayza is a bit more fun. You might not see a middle aged woman reading the New Yorker in the corner while she nurses a Malbec, but you can ask for a sommelier and cheese expert to put together a tasting menu for you and your friends. Ayza works great as both a place to hang out and a place to go on a date. And the food is fantastic. 

Most people associate Peter Luger, the Steakhouse in Williamsburg, with steak. How ridiculously short sighted. Yeah, they probably serve steak, too. But go for the dessert. This was a slice of cake that was so smooth that if I was told that it was really a liquid and that the triangle shape was an illusion, I'd believe it. And look at that mountain of fresh-made whipped cream! Christ almighty. 

I ate the fish sandwich at Nor East Clam Shack once four months ago and I still think about it. Sadly, that's all I can do since every time I've returned they haven't had it on the menu. The few occasions since August when I've tried the fish sandwiches served elsewhere have been but pale imitations. 

Best Tourist Trap
LA BIRRERIA at Eataly

La Birreria is the beer/wine bar that sits 17 floors above the Eataly food complex and manages to be a relaxing escape from the craziness of the downstairs mob scene. A few craft cask ales and a handful of imports dominate the small menu. La Birreria is a great place to people watch, especially if you're in the mood to watch foreigners type requests into the Google Translate app in their smartphone. I had a really fun time here and would definitely return. Bring your wallet.

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THE WORST
(Yippadeedoodaday...)

2 Bros Pizza is so bad that it's almost offensive. How bad do I mean? Let's just put it this way: even at a dollar a slice, you're getting ripped off. It's gloppy, undercooked, disgusting, and you feel like you're eating it in a bathroom stall at the Port Authority bus depot. 2 Bros' one saving grace is that they only give you a tiny slice, so at least you don't have to suffer for too long.

Walking down that dark alley to the entrance of the Back Room is filled with an atmosphere of fun creepiness. Then you walk inside and the dark woods and velvet and tacky paintings add to the cool bordello-speakeasy mood. Then you order a drink and it's awful. Then the pumping club music comes on. Then you thoroughly lose all interest and leave for Death & Company.

The kitchen of this Russian restaurant closes at 9pm, the owner will greet you while inebriated, it's expensive, the food is mediocre at absolute best, and the staff is rude. The physical space is quite lovely. The bar is nice and the dining rooms are gorgeous. Like the Faberge eggs that were popular with the Tsar and the pre-revolutionary Russian elite, Firebird looks real nice. It's a shame that there's nothing inside the glitter.

Domestic brew served in plastic cups. That just about sums it up. Greenwood Park spoons out standard keg-party beer in a vast space in the middle of nowhere with all the atmosphere of a Home Depot parking lot. 

[ © Copyright eateryROW 2013 ]