e a t e r y R O W

KATZ'S DELI

205 East Houston Street

New York, NY 10002

(212) 254-2246

Katz's Deli is not just a New York deli. It's considered the New York deli. It's the one in the postcards, in the movies, with the big neon sign, with the celebrity photos all along the wall. And that's too bad because just about every other deli you could choose to go to is better.

Between the bleak fluorescent lighting and the grimy tile floor, the cramped seating and the soup kitchen vibe, Katz's is probably the closest you can come to eating at a homeless shelter without actually being homeless. Some guy hands you a ticket, you line up to get your food, some other guy slaps it on a tray, you take a fork or a spoon from a Rubbermaid trough, and then you try to find a free rickety seat at a free rickety table. The last time I was there, it even came complete with the smell of garbage and sweat. For effect, of course. And my meal was sufficiently mediocre for me to swear off returning. Still, I found myself here once more. I guess that every so often I need to remind myself why I don't eat at Katz's by eating at Katz's.

Katz's, even if everything else were perfect, is still painfully expensive. And I understand why. It doesn't care about my business. It caters to tourists. People who have already accepted huge (ultimately unnecessary) expenses as part of their vacation bill.* When I ate here today, I may well have been the only actual New Yorker having lunch. (Actually I don't think I know any natives who ever eat here unless they're drunk and it's 2am.) Cameras clicked everywhere. People posed with each other under the "Harry Met Sally Here" sign. Maps were on tables. Increasingly more worthless Zagat guides were in hands. You can buy Katz's Deli baseball caps and t-shirts for your friends back home. Lunch at Katz's, dinner at Carmine's, desserts at Cafe Lalo.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the allure of a place like Katz's. It about being someplace famous, like Geno's in Philly or Cafe Du Monde in New Orleans or Tavern on the Green in Central Park when it still existed. It doesn't really matter how good or bad it is. Hell, you almost expect it to be crap. The whole point is to eat on a movie set. But since this is a food blog, let's talk about food.

This time, thankfully, the nausea-inducing stink was gone, replaced with the pleasant odor of actual food. I walked in, ordered a bowl of Matzo Ball Soup and a Roast Beef Sandwich, and miraculously found a free seat. Katz's doesn't skimp on portions, I'll give them that, though you get more and better food at Ben's Best in Queens. The matzo ball itself was okay, but too dense. It's really the broth, though, that wasn't very good. I have no doubt that they make it themselves (and if they don't I'd be even more disappointed) and they used far far far too many vegetables in doing so. It's nearly a half chicken/half vegetable broth and as such tastes weird. Almost like they made it with tomato. Plus it's too salty. The roast beef sandwich was fine, but not more than fine. It was nicely rare and it wasn't fatty, but it was too sinewy. I was chewing a lot more than I should have been. Katz's doesn't give you cole slaw but does give you a mountain of pickles and/or pickled tomatoes. I asked for half sour pickles only. Why take something you don't want? But I still couldn't finish the volume I got.

At the end of the meal, I paid just under $27 for one meh sandwich, one lousy bowl of soup and a can of Diet Pepsi. If there's someone out there who can convince me how I didn't get mugged, let me know. Katz's is cash only and not strictly kosher.

*Side note: if any of my readers are not from NY and would like some honest, not-going-to-break-the-bank advice, please email me. I'll gladly steer you.

THE QUEENS KICKSHAW

40-17 Broadway

Astoria, NY 11103

(718) 777-0913

A kickshaw is basically a delicacy. A sort of fancy small dish. So it's telling that Queens, the once upon a time working-class borough would become home to a restaurant creating a delicacy of the simple grilled cheese. Like so many dining establishments in recent years (Salt & Fat, M. Wells, Dutch Kills and Sweetleaf Cafe come to mind without my even having to try), Queens Kickshaw was bred for Brooklyn. But it's in Queens. Hmmmm... Methinks I see a trend. 

The Queens Kickshaw isn't just Brooklynesque, it's straight outta Williamsburg. Our waiter with the tattoo sleeves, ear plugs and facial piercings; the bartender in the silk vest and flat cap; the retro/vintage lights, the punk metal music... I dated a Suicide Girls type girl a few years ago who'd would have fit right in here. But it's not just for post-goth punk co-eds. About a hundred or so indie beers and wines runneth over on the menu complete with tasting notes for the discerning yuppie snob. The Queens Kickshaw is almost a wine bar/beer hall that just so happens to have accidentally made its name in grilled cheese. 

Ah yes. The reason I came. Grilled cheese. So I showed up with the Rents this past weekend for a late lunch. I grew up with grilled cheeses. Indeed, I grew up with some of the best grilled cheese known to man. They were simple. They didn't pretend to be more than they were. They were the less heathy than fast food. Queens Kickshaw makes upscale versions of them. The menu does not include American Cheese. This was a mistake on their part. Maybe they made that decision because there is no organic American cheese or maybe it's because American cheese isn't actually cheese so much as sliced cheese-flavored dairy product with nuclear wasteland tinted food coloring. The fact of the matter is that it ain't there. But as a result, the best kind of grilled cheese option is off the menu. Fools. Anyway. What did we get? 

Well, Dudeman went off topic and ordered the Mac & Cheese. Again, Queens Kickshaw eschewed the American cheese. Instead it's made with Gruyere, cheddar, smoked mozzarella, caramelized onion and french beans and it came with a little side salad. It was good. There's no denying it. We all liked it. Was it better than the original Yankee cheese version Mom, er, Shrink used to make? No. Just don't tell Dudeman. "This is better than yours, hon." Shrink ordered the Cheddar & Mozzarella Grilled Cheese, which came with a tomato soup (for dipping as well as for sipping. Both are encouraged). The sandwich was rich and buttery and gooey and we ate it right up. The soup was great as well. It was rich and thick, nearly a marinara sauce in a bowl. I ordered the Gruyere Grilled Cheese. I love Gruyere. My favorite cheeseburger to date (the one at Five Napkin) comes smothered in it. This sandwich didn't ruin the mood. Beneath the soft cheese was caramelized onion, possibly the best accompaniment a grilled cheese can have that isn't tomato or bacon. The only downside to the dish was that it came with a sort of hoity-toity bullshit "coleslaw" made sans mayo but overloaded with caraway seed of all things. The whole-grain slaw was virtually tasteless, but on the upside (if there was one) it had virtually no calories.

AYZA WINE & CHOCOLATE BAR

11 West 31st Street

New York, NY 10016

(917) 338-3346

Should you ever be in southern Midtown (or northern Gramercy), perhaps on your way to Penn Station to catch an Amtrak train to the folks back home, and need a hip place for food and drinks, AYZA should be your go-to spot. It's half wine bar and half restaurant, very trendy, not terribly expensive, and even on chilly nights you can sit outside under the heatlamps.

So this hotspot is where Speeds and I decided to go. AYZA seems to be on everyone's watch list these days, but people seem taken by the "& Chocolate Bar" part of their name. For a chocolate bar, I can't say that they offered much. Some chocolate martinis (that I regret to say I didn't have), and then a chocolate-centric dessert menu. Basically, the chocolate bar half of the name means that they sell about a dozen varieties of truffles from Martine's and Jacques Torres. At about $3-4 per. 

But Speeds and I are food people at our core. So we paid most of our attention there.

Despite having an appetizer and an entree section, AYZA really is a small plates Mediterranean restaurant. The appetizers are slightly less expensive than the entrees, but not really smaller in size. Each dish floated in the $10-20 range. Wine-wise, we each ordered by the glass. Expect to pay about $11. Should you go for a bottle, they range in price from the mid-$30s to $1200, with the average at about $50. With approximately 100 to choose from, the selection is good without being overwhelming. One nice thing: sometimes, a restaurant will put bread on the table while you look over the menu, but AYZA put out little sake glasses of Warm Spiced Wine.

Speeds started with a cheese and charcuterie plate. As a wine bar, how could AYZA not have a cheese selection? She ordered the Choice of Five. Of the meats and cheeses to choose from, she picked the manchego, the brie, and the valdeon cheeses, and the bresaola and prosciutto meats. I'm not enough of a connoisseur-slash-snob to know whether these were up to snuff with other ritzy wine bars' offerings, but rest assured that they were good. Trust me. I ate a third of it. At the suggestion of the waitress, I tried the White Truffle Pizza, a small "pizza" with a pita crust, garlic and bresaola. And it was insane. They use a truffle infused cheese-cream-sauce so that even after it cools, the cheese remains gooey. The bits of bresaola are few and far between, but spaced just perfectly enough that you get a salty, pepperoni-like tang with each bit. If you go to AYZA and don't order this...

The second round of food, while also very good, was less impressive. Speeds enjoyed the Grilled Baby Shrimp over a bed of diced mango, but for me, after the pizzette, it was like bringing a knife to a gunfight. That and mango without rum seems heartless. My entree, the Brochette Marinated Chicken, as you can see, is hardly larger than an Speeds' shrimp appetizer. When our server brought it out, I literally almost sent it back thinking it was for a different table. I mean, what's with the steak tartare right there in the middle of the plate? Well, it was mine, and that's not steak tartare, it's a rice dish made with cheese and beets, like a beet risotto. Tangy and certainly interesting, it might not have been my first choice of sides to pair the chicken with. The chicken itself was cubed with pepper and mushroom on a skewer and was very good. Moist, slightly charred, tender. If the street-cart kebab guys could make a skewered chicken like this, I'd be a happy camper.

As I said, the chocolate is almost an afterthought at AYZA, despite the name, which seems for for cutesy effect than anything else. Speeds insisted that we try out the chocolate selection, so she chose to try each of the four offered Martine's Chocolates. I won't go through them all, but each one was a small, 1-inch by 1-inch truffle. All were good without being great, but for what they cost they were supposed to be great. The Jacques Torres selection was larger, cheaper, and my experience with Jacques Torres in the past has been a good one. My dessert was the Silky Chocolate Mousse, that Speeds found too sweet and I found just right. I was quite pleased with my decision. Next time, I'll get a coffee with my dessert. Or another wine. Or a chocolate martini. Or all three.

Overall, we had a great time. The service was friendly and fast. The wine was good, the cheese plate was good, the food was good. While on the expensive side, it's not crazy overpriced (save the chocolate part of the menu). Speeds and I have decided that, with her living in Albany for the time being, and its proximity to Penn, we'll move AYZA into our rotation of places to go regularly.

Our meal consisted of four glasses of wine, two appetizers, one cheese/charcuterie plate, one entree, and two desserts. The total came to $158 with tax and tip.

MOMOFUKU NOODLE BAR

171 First Avenue

New York, NY 10003

(212) 777-7773

David Chang put Momofuku Noodle Bar smack in the middle of ramen central. The East Village. There are at least six others (Ramen Setagaya and Kambi are two right down the block) in the area, so competition is fierce. Still, he's clearly doing well. There's always a line, unless you arrive either very late or very early, and the other night was no exception. We waited about a half hour to squeeze into the small space and dine shoulder to shoulder with fifty other people.

Seating at Momofuku Noodle Bar is either at the bar or at communal tables. Bro and I found ourselves at communal tables. You sit on low stools, so there's no place to put your coat except in your lap. Or just leave it on. Many folks did. Or if you're like me, just give up and let it fall on the floor by your feet. If you're lucky, you won't have to sit near the front door, which becomes a de facto waiting room, people literally leaning on the large glass windows, hovering over other patron's bowls of soup. Regardless of where the staff does seat you, expect to be bumped into rather constantly. But eventually, when the food comes, you might be like me and feel that it actually might all be worth it... despite having to sit within earshot of not one, but two groups of irritating hipster foodies dissecting their meal, managing somehow to both praise the food they ordered and condescend it at the same time. Ugh.

Bro and I started with the Brisket Buns, which were flat-out amazing. If you've ever had the takeout Chinese spare-ribs, then that's what the meat tasted like, only heartier, boneless, and with about four thousand times the flavor. The only problem that I had with the dish was that the horseradish mayo that they used was a little excessive. Half as much would have been perfect. We also ordered the Grilled Octopus, a small salad-like dish of octopus, kimchi, citrus and a little arugula. This was also delicious, but small. If you like octopus, you'll wonder how you inhaled it so quickly. If you don't like octopus, then the odds are you'll suddenly start liking it.

Of course, the point of going to a noodle bar is the noodles and so Bro and I both ordered some ramen soups. Momofuku also has noodle dishes without the broth, but it was cold out and soup seemed more appropriate. Bro ordered the Momofuku Ramen, a traditional-style pork broth ramen soup with pork, cabbage, a whole poached egg, seaweed and a little narutomaki garnish (the pink spiraly fish cake thingy).  I ordered the Mushroom Ramen, noodles in a rich mushroom broth with a variety of mushrooms, a poached egg, some greens and again the seaweed and narutomaki. Bro, who doesn't like mushrooms for some freakish reason, did like this soup. As did I. And we both enjoyed the traditional ramen soup as well. But as good as they are, two things must be done to make them truly spectacular. Break the egg and let the yolk drain into the broth, and then add a healthy dose of thick hot sauce. Suddenly it goes from "hey, this ain't bad" to downright addictive. The bowls of soup are giant. I tried, but failed at finishing mine. There's just too much.