e a t e r y R O W

BAR 36
36-05 30th Avenue
Astoria, NY 11103
(718) 715-4420

Astoria feels swamped in trendy new restaurants. Down every block and around every corner is a brand new, neon-lit cafe that oozes sexiness. Bar 36 is one of these new, sexy cafes. It's half bar/lounge, half restaurant. It's exactly what people wouldn't expect from a Queens establishment. Then again, have I ever positively written about a place that fulfills one's stereotypical expectations? Hardly. To do so would be a waste of time. Bar 36 is dark and modern and moody and sexy to its core. The large individual bathrooms, with their custom sinks, individual cloth hand towels, and large mirrors are just begging people to mile-high club it in them.

The first time I'd been here, it was just for drinks, which just happens to be their specialty. The bartender I had, whose name I lost long ago whipped up a custom cocktail just from a concept that had been floating in my head. Then he gave it to me for free. It was incredible. All of the custom cocktails I've had here are.

As for the food, Bar 36 describes itself in a way that alludes to some American-Mediterranean blend. A mix of Greek and Italian and Moroccan and American. But I'm calling it American. American with a twist, but American.

D and I showed up here at 9-ish. Rather late, I thought, for dinner. So I was surprised that on this particular Friday, the place was pretty quiet. The last time I was here, they were bustling. We grabbed a table in the back by the large windows that open to what would be a rear patio in warmer weather, and ordered some drinks. Quick note: the window leaks. We moved to a less drafty spot and they immediately cranked the heater.

For an appetizer, D ordered the Caprese Salad, an Italian classic that, as I'm sure you know, is simply tomato and mozzarella with olive oil. It's good stuff, but it's simple and not the most culinarily exciting thing on the menu. Not that I really did much better. In my defense, most of Bar 36's appetizers are salads and I'm not a salad guy. I ordered the Crisp Calamari, a fried calamari dish served with sautéed olives and garlic. It was delicious, but it was huge. This is an appetizer for two. It was bigger than my entrée.

Come entrée time, D chose the Georgia Peach Chicken, a chicken breast topped with peaches and a brandy pecan glaze. It came with a small mesculin salad on the side. I regret to say sounds way better than it was, especially since I was pushing for D to order it. The topping was excellent and she couldn't stop praising it, but the chicken itself was bland. Almost tasteless. Another quick note: the menu we ordered off of will be re-vamped and this dish won't be on the new one. The new menu is online and many of the dishes are new and look awesome. Speaking of awesome, my entree was awesome. I ordered the New York Espresso Strip Steak, a grilled strip steak rubbed in espresso and served under a sambuca cream sauce, also with a mesculin side salad. Amazing. One of the best steaks I've had in ages. And I just recently ate at The Palm. It was somewhat fatty and it's excruciatingly heavy, but I'm seriously considering going out of my way later to have this again. This will be on the new menu, but with a potato side dish that the current incarnation is without.

For dessert, we shared a Coconut Creme Brulee. Also delicious. At first we both wondered where the coconut was, but then, right at the back end, it showed up. Like a ghost came this little hint of coconut to round out the vanilla and the sugar. No coffee, we had more drinking to do.

SIGIRI

91 First Avenue
New York, NY 10003
(212) 614-9333

You don't get to have Sri Lankan food all that often, but if you've had Indian, it comes really close. Nevertheless, I've been kinda feeling that this blog has been weighed down by my Franco-American preferences and that it's long past the time to expand my range and expound my experiences. Sri Lankan, a suggestion by Mr. Dogz, hit me from out of nowhere and my immediate reaction was "let's go". Go we did and go should you.

We were met by Gloron, who arrived late from his Brooklyn abode. He was met by a full glass of wine. One nice thing about Sigiri is that it's BYOB. This cuts the price down considerably, since your $20 bottle of wine will actually cost $20 instead of $40. Two doors down is Tinto Fino, a very nice wine shop run by a very nice woman, and I picked up my $20 of wine in the form of two $10 bottles of organic Spanish vino.

If you can't tell from the photos, Sigiri is postage stamp small. No fatties. You won't be able to sit at the table. When we got there, I had to move the table six inches just to squeeze into the seat.

Though our waiter was very nice, the service at Sigiri left much to be desired. If he wasn't telling new customers that they had a long wait ahead of them (the place was packed), then he was missing in action. When a far longer amount of time elapsed than should have with bone-dry glasses, we asked for a whole pitcher of water. Note to owners: hire more than one guy.

We started our evening off with two types of appetizers, Sri Lankan Vegetable Spring Rolls, and Sri Lankan Fish Spring Rolls. In my humbles of humble opinions, they were flat out great. Mr. Dogz concurred. Gloron did not. The vegetable spring roll was a deep fried blend of potato and vegetable, while the fish spring roll tasted very similar but with a notable fish flavor (allegedly salmon). Both came with a mildly spicy dipping sauce. Dogz and I relished both, though his preference was for the vegetable one and mine was for the fish one. While both of us loved these and would recommend them to one and all, Gloron had a decidedly negative view. In his humblest of humble opinions, they were no better or worse than the toaster treats you find in the frozen food aisle of the supermarket, and he described the dipping sauce to Heinz with some Tobasco. Ouch. Still, I loved them and I can honestly say that if you're someone who feels compelled to spend $20 on an appetizer at some celebrity-chef run shoppe to prove to yourself that you're eating out, then go right ahead. You're a sucker, but you're a sucker who keeps the lines shorter at places like this.

Next up were a round of Sri Lankan Vegetable Soup, a spicy lentil and coconut milk based vegetable soup that we would have had three of, but for our waiter forgetting that three meant more than one. Oddly enough, when the other two came, they were of a different consistency. Mine and Dogz's were thinner and saltier, while Gloron's was far thicker and more peppery.

For dinner, I ordered Chicken Kottu Roti, a dish of stir-fried doughy bread, vegetables, onion and egg. Actually, I ordered beef kottu roti, but got chicken. Another service problemo. Either way, it was damn good. Dogz ordered the Chicken String Hopper Kotthu which was pretty much the exact same thing my dish, except that instead of fried bread, the meal fries rice noodles. Similar, but different. Smoother. Dogz preferred it, I preferred mine.

Gloron opted for the Chicken Lamprais, a rice dish with fish, chicken, plantains, and a whole egg, baked slowly in a banana leaf. This is enough for two. It' s an extremely heavy entree that Gloron managed maybe a dozen bites of before he brown bagged the rest.

For dessert we three split a Watalappam, a rice pudding with coconut milk. I know that you might think I've been critical of Sigiri, but I had an awesome time here and this dessert was the perfect ending to what had really been a great dinner. It was as smooth as butter with hints of vanilla, brown sugar and coconut.

Went back with Dudeman for a quick cheap bite. We tried the Pol Roti, the Sri Lankan Spring Rolls, and the Beef Curry. The Pol Roti, a spicy Sri Lankan bread, was quite good, but stiff like a stale pancake. Not something you can really wrap your food in taco-style. The spring rolls were phenominal. And not spring rolls like what you'd get from another Asian place. These were 3x3 inch squares of fried, spicy, pocket bread. You get four. The beef curry was somethat disappointing, as was the fact that rice was an extra $3, but in the end that's only because everything else was so good. Besides everything paired together well and was only $15 each plus tip. So go there already!

Wait for food: 12 minutes
Cost: roughly $11.00 for the burger, fries and soda combo
Burger: good
Fries: also good
Atmosphere: um... good
Verdict: did I mention the place was good?

North Side Plaza

What can be said about Five Guys? Um... they sell burgers and fries. That's about it. No. Seriously. I mean that's about it. Here's their WHOLE MENU: Burger, Cheeseburger, Bacon Burger, Bacon Cheeseburger, Hot Dog, Cheese Dog, Bacon Dog, Bacon Cheese Dog, or Grilled Cheese. Ahh, healthy. Oh and they have fries, too, but not onion rings.

Five guys is from somewhere else (DC) and is dangerously close to disqualification from my list for being a chain. As of this writing, they had a presence in 18 states and only because they chose to open their very first NYC location in the middle-of-nowhere Queens did I keep them. And middle-of-nowhere it is. If you don't have a car or the patience to take the bus all the way out the College Point, you will, sadly, not be able to partake in the greasy goodness that it the College Point Five Guys burger.

Wait for food: 8 minutes
Cost: not much
Burger: when you're the thinnest guy eating the food, it has to be good.
Fries: a decent side to the burger, but no better or worse than any other place's
Atmosphere: there isn't any.
Verdict: one of the best, especially for the price.




ZEN BURGER:
Note: Zen Burger has CLOSED.


Where can I start with Zen Burger? It's vegetarian hamburger joint from the folks who brought you Zen Palate.

I know, BLASPHEMY!!!












Wait for food: 10 minutes
Cost: about $7
Burger: bad
Fries: would have been good if hot
Atmosphere: midtown fast food
Verdict: skip the burgers, try their other fake meat instead

Update: 01/07/09: Zen Burgers has shuttered it's doors, claiming high rent... will burgerdom ever be able to get beyond this loss? Only time will tell.

523 Ninth Avenue
New York, NY 10018
(212) 947-4208

Normally, I would have walked across town, but it was drizzling, so I sucked it up and spent the $2 to take the Shuttle. Things were looking up as I walked past the woman in Grand Central singing opera. I got a Shuttle right away and was on the west side in no time. Then it started pouring. A sign of things to come.

I met Mr. Dogz near Times Square and we headed to HK. HK sits on 39th and Ninth, right on the crap-line between Chelsea and Hells Kitchen, across the street from old-school tenements and down the block from a soup kitchen where homeless people use the corner phone booth as a urinal. Is seediness part of the neighborhood appeal? At least there's a flea market ten feet away every weekend.

HK itself is like an oasis of coolness amidst the grunge. Walking in, the club music thumps. Though the restaurant itself is dark and subdued, the decor is bright and clean, allowing the tea lights that pepper the tables to give off more light than one would otherwise think. The wait staff all wear black from head to toe and the list of custom cocktails is a pretty good size. The walls look like they're on runners and can raise open in the summer, which is a nice touch. Alas, that's about all HK has going for it. Trendiness and being yet another Cafeteria clone does not a good restaurant make.

The brunch menu looked pretty good, and I returned later to try that meal, but honestly, I just can't recommend dinner here. The waiter, who I think was the only person on staff that day, was almost never around. He would constantly vanish for extended periods of time, from seating us to giving us the check. We ordered drinks during the happy hour period, but were billed the full price. My martini (gin, wet, three olives), was passable and lacked an olive.

Neither myself nor Dogz was particularly hungry, so we decided to split an appetizer. We waffled between the Mussels Provencale or the Calamari Frites. We went for the Calamari Frites, which are served with a Thai chili dipping sauce. These were very good. They weren't too breaded or too chewy. They were, in a word, perfect. But that's where the meal peaked.

I ordered the Roast Herb Chicken entree with whipped potatoes and spinach. It's a standard and I tend to use it as a gauge of what a kitchen can churn out. In this case, the Hells kitchen churned out a mediocre dish. The meat was tender, but tasteless. With the skin, which was soggy, it was boring. If you're on a health kick and were to eat it without the skin, then your taste buds will really be out of luck. The whipped potatoes, despite the name, didn't taste smooth enough to be whipped.

Dogz ordered the Wild Mushroom Ravioli, served with arugula and sun-dried tomatoes. Dogz thought that the filling was tasty, but couldn't put his finger on what the part of the meal turned him off. He tossed one onto my plate so I could figure it out. I think they're undercooked, I said. That's what it is, he concurred. Some people prefer their pasta al dente. This wasn't al dente.

The dessert menu came when the table was cleared and we decided not to bother. The desserts were pretty standard but expensive. For example, a bowl of Haagen Dazs ice cream (assorted flavors) cost $8. I'd rather go to the bodega across the street and get two pints. While I can't argue that it was kinda fun listening to the table of Chelsea-ites next to us talk about their adventures in Fellatioland, it was just too hard to justify getting dessert merely to stick around and eavesdrop on a sordid conversation.



But like I said, the brunch menu looked pretty good, so I figured I'd go back. I wound up by myself on a Saturday around 1pm. For the record, I hate eating alone. I always feel like a complete loser. I know that there are some out there who enjoy the privacy. I'm not one of them. But a critic's gotta do what a critic's gotta do.

I ordered a coffee and the HK Eggs Benedict, which was a standard eggs Benedict, but with spinach, grilled red peppers, portobello mushrooms, and blue cheese sprinkle over the Hollandaise sauce. It was served alongside home-fried potatoes. At first, I really liked the dish, but by the time I got through half of it, I was enjoying it way way less. I think that the tang of the peppers, combined with the sharpness of the spinach, combined with the bite of the blue cheese was just too much. The Hollandaise sauce itself has some sourness, and this was just too overpowering. Maybe you'll like it, but I would have rather had a regular eggs Benedict. I probably would have liked it more. The potatoes, by the way, should have been excellent, but they were undercooked and tough. The coffee was standard-tasting, thin diner coffee. Weak.



My waitress this afternoon was the saving grace of the meal. Aside from the fact that she was incredibly beautiful, something shallow guys like me notice, she was also incredibly nice and warm and attentive. Far better than the waiter from dinner.

Here's an odd thing. If you go to HK for dinner, credit cards are fine. But during brunch hours, it's cash only. I found this out the hard way having no cash on me at all. Fortunately, there's an ATM downstairs by the bathrooms. But still, that added an extra few bucks onto my bill in ATM fees.

Two cocktails, an appetizer, and two entrees came to just under $75 including tax and tip.

My lonely brunch for one weighed in at over $20 with tax and tip, not counting the charges I paid to the ATM and will have to pay to my bank for using said ATM.

ZERZA
304 East 6th Street
New York, NY 10003
(212) 529-3512

Shrink's birthday was upon us. So Bro and I, dutiful sons that we are, took it upon ourselves to take her and padre DudeMan out to dinner. There were a handful of restaurants on the shortlist ranging from overpriced tapas joints to German essenhauses specializing in wild game; from loud gastropubs to hear-a-pin-drop bistros. After so much consternation, we naturally opted for none of them, instead choosing Zerza, an East Village Moroccan restaurant that Citysearch patrons loved and that Time Out hated.

Zerza sits on 6th Street, a street once dominated by Indian restaurants. These days, it has become the most diverse 750 feet in Manhattan. The south side of the street is literally solid restaurants. It would take a month of eating out every single day to try them all (and people ask me why I would want to be immortal...). One thing I can say, the competition must be fierce. Just walking down the street we were approached by a restaurant owner or maitre'd or whoever and offered free dessert if we were willing to change our plans and have dinner at his restaurant. When we declined, he moved on to the people walking behind us.

Zerza itself is a tri-level place with most of its dining upstairs. The upstairs dining room is small, too, and fills up quickly, especially when large groups arrive and suck away all the tables. The seating on the first floor is sparse, but there's also seating by the street in this tight, enclosed solarium-like space. Make reservations.

DudeMan started the meal out with an appetizer of Harira Soup, a vegetable chickpea soup. He and I both found it delicious. Those fans of chickpeas out there will enjoy it. Shrink ordered Moroccan Cigars, a somewhat spicy dish of ground beef wrapped in filo dough. She found this tube-shaped appetizer was to be a bit on the bland side. I liked it though and would have certainly preferred it over my own choice.

Speaking of my choice, I went for the Saganaki, fried feta cheese coated in honey. Now, to be fair, I suspected that it would not be something I'd particularly love. I've just never liked feta cheese. But if I only ate things I know I'd like, then I'd have a pretty boring palate. If you like big squares of feta, you'll probably like this sweetly fried version... especially if you like your sweetly fried squares honey glazed. Finally, Bro ordered Bourekas, a spinach pastry with pine nuts, raisins and feta cheese. He finished it off before I could try any, but he and Shrink were big fans of it. Shrink felt that it was the best appetizer of all of the ones ordered at our table.



DudeMan and Bro both ordered lamb dish entrees. DudeMan's was the Lamb Tfaya, a leg of lamb in a stew of chickpeas, raisins, and caramelized onions. It was very good, but verrrrrry sweet. This would have gone perfectly with a little crusty bread to soak in it, but also to somewhat dull its sweetness. Bro, meanwhile, ordered the Couscous Lamb Berber. I'm pretty sure that there was lamb and couscous in it, but there were also stewed vegetables. Bro thought it was very good. My own opinion was that it was somewhat bland. Both of these dishes were cooked absolutely perfectly. The meat was so tender that it was practically falling off the bone. But while the cooking of the dishes may have been bar-none, the recipes themselves needed a little tweaking to reach that happy middle ground between sweet and bland, at least as far as I was concerned.

Shrink ordered Chicken Bastilla. A chicken doughnut with a fancy name. It's shredded chicken, coated in a thick, deep-fried dough envelope, then coated in a moutainous heaping of powdered sugar. This was the most unique of the entrees, and I thought it would be the tastiest, but the chicken was a little on the dry side. Still, if you've got a hankering for the one flavor Krispy Kreme has yet to come up with, this is the way to go. My entree was the Duck Confit. Normally, I'm used to a crispier version, but this ain't French food. Our Moroccan dish comes instead with a softer skin and with pears, figs and couscous. It was also a little fattier than I was used to, but like the lamb, it was so tender that I never even had to get my knife dirty. I just tore through it with a fork. And lest I forget, it tasted good, too.



Finally, dessert. We were warned that the chocolate lava-esque cake needed a half hour to prep and that required us to decide whether to order it, or not, when placing our entree orders. We chose to skip it. Instead, Bro and Shrink both ordered the Zerza Fig Ice Cream, which, as you can imagine, is fig ice cream made here at Zerza (or at least served here). It was exactly what I thought it would be, which was a very light, bittersweet ice cream. Almost like green-tea ice cream. Bro and Shrink thought more if it than I did. As for me, I chose to try the Baklawa, which is the Moroccan spelling of baklava. Same thing. The baklawa was chewier than I wanted and too syrupy. And to top it off, it didn't stay together. So when I dug my fork in, it just smooshed like a sponge and didn't cut. Instead, the top layer would slide off. Not very impressive. And to top it off, they were completely out of espresso beans and regular coffee. They offered me decaf. Uh, no thanks.



To sum it up, Zerza's hit or miss when it comes to much of it's food. Where it's good, it's good. But there are plenty of struggling dishes. I would go back and try some other items on the menu, but you can see from the photos that it's really the atmosphere that stands out. All those pillows and velvet, candles and gold flake paint relax you like few other restaurants can. It doesn't hurt that the waitresses here are smoking hot. Plus they have belly dancing some nights and a hookah lounge. Cool cool.



One glass of wine, one beer, two cocktails, four appetizers, four entrees, and three desserts, plus tax, but not counting tip, cost $157.36.